There are so many things that I am excited to share here now that this blog thing is official, but I have to admit that everything feels precariously hung in the balance right now. Match day is less than week away and waiting for the final results have left me eager/anxious/terrified/excited/nervous as hell to a degree that I don’t think I have ever experienced before.
Anyone that knows me or my family knows that I come from a family full of competition and an impressive supply of bad ideas. I have no idea if anybody else does this, but one of our favorite games on road trips was to see who could hold their breath the longest whenever we drove through tunnels. It was a simple game. Try to hold your breath all the way through the tunnel and if you make it, you are one of the winners. Some tunnels were short and easy. Others were long and impossible. The ones that were probably the most dangerous though were the ones right on the edge of our breath-holds. These were the tunnels that had everyone starting to make lots of weird sounds, funny faces, and aggressively stomp feet and slap hands in an effort to help to speed across those last few feet out into the light. Really, it’s probably a bad idea to have the driver on the fringe of a self-induced hypoxic syncopal event, but we always loved to push the limits and heckle each other over the results all the same.
That game seems like a perfect analogy for my feelings and situation right now. I feel like the driver holding my breath through the tunnel of medical school. It’s been a long four years, and I honestly wasn’t sure if I would make it at the beginning. Every step of the way, I was equal parts shocked and impressed to have hung in there. Now, with the match just one week away I can finally see the light at the tunnel and the end of this game.
A successful match is the last final step before emerging on the other side as a resident and doctor in the career of my dreams. After all the craziness of the last few months, I am 100% feeling that last seconds of a breath-hold panic and sense of imminent change. The possible outcomes of this game are very real. This could be a lights out, life train derailed, crash at the very end of the tunnel tragedy or it could be the most anticipated and welcome breath of fresh air and accomplishment of my life. I have a good feeling for the latter and faith that everything works out and happens for a reason, but until next Monday I hold my breath..